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These thoughts Don't tear me up These thoughts Aren't why death looks expectantly These thoughts Should've done more than that Why have they not? (did they ever?)

Tell me tell me If you mean it When you say your arms are open Don't don't I can't believe you I can't trust you to not be hurt And frustrated, like everyone else I'm scared I will use up my meter too soon And as I scramble for more change You, impatiently, though rightly so Give up (no blame)

Can I speak to you Of things blacker than the rich soil of your heart could take? Can I cry to you Of the fears that can't be quenched by blood? Will your light shy away? The thought of you turning away In shame, in disappointment Doubt and anger even Is enough to steady the stream of lies That perhaps fulfill you

Trembling as I type my laughter Distance stretches my deceit so thick You wouldn't ever notice if I was strong enough (I'm not) L-M-A-O (I'm not okay) L-M-A-O (Don't worry) L-M-A-O (I'm not worth it) Clearing my throat noiselessly Snark is enough, push for an eye roll (Don't be ridiculous, I'm fine)

Why do people make it easy to hide The salt in my eyes and the bound thoughts I'm selfish to wish for someone To share this with

Trembling as I type my laughter Distance stretches my deceit so thick You wouldn't ever notice if I was strong enough (I'm not) L-M-A-O (Here, have a joke) L-M-A-O (Don't worry) L-M-A-O (I'm glad you didn't notice) Clearing my throat noiselessly Snark is enough, push for an eye roll (Don't be ridiculous, I'm fine)

Pause, stop, backspace It's not that I can't find the words But can you listen, Can you accept what you can't see Believe in me, when I show you nothing but my own demise? No, of course not How could you have faith in something fallible...

I wonder if it makes a difference Shall we smile And forget that we're running out of oxygen I want you to be okay.

Trembling as I type my laughter Distance stretches my deceit so thick You wouldn't ever notice if I was strong enough (I'm not) L-M-A-O (It hurts) L-M-A-O (How much longer?) L-M-A-O (Smile when I can't) Clearing my throat noiselessly Snark is enough, push for an eye roll (Don't be ridiculous, I'm fine)

These thoughts Have spread me too thin These thoughts Measure my every step These thoughts Made me hope Am I gone?

You made me smile.